Emma

It’s been 8 rounds of IVF, and in just a few weeks, I’ll be approaching my 9th. Am I exhausted – yes. Do I feel like a chicken forever popping out eggs – definitely yes. But, am I used to being disappointed again and again after recurrent losses and failing implants – sadly yes. Every miscarriage or implant failure gets me down – whether you are going through IVF or you are having issues falling pregnant, it just sucks. Infertility just fucking sucks. Regular doctor’s appointments, changes in hormone medications, crying for no reason and trying to explain why you’re crying without sounding like a complete nut, these things happen, and they take their toll. About 2 years ago when I first started our IVF journey I read an article online about another woman’s IVF experience. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but later down the track, those words were invaluable. I’m no IVF expert, but the main ones that stuck with me were to surround yourself with supportive people, don’t play the blame game, trust your gut and practice self care. I always knew I had an awesome tribe of both women and men around me, but really realised how lucky I was when I started embarking on this new path. We talk about my growing ‘follies’, my uterus lining, ultrasounds and countless needles in my podgy belly and there is never a grimace or sigh. Even from the lads. I’ve found that being honest and open about what I’m going through has brought up a lot of questions, and that people have been really interested and intrigued about the whole process. I totally get that talking openly about it is not for everyone, and that it’s a very private matter, but I must admit it’s really helped me this time around. I’ve found myself a ‘folly cheer squad’. Blaming your partner, or yourself, is a very easy thing to do. My man is a bit older than me, so it would be easier to say that it may have been his swimmers that were letting us down. When we kicked off our IVF journey I was 26, and as the doctor said ‘it was the perfect time to have a baby’. But age doesn’t mean a thing. Fast forward almost 2 years, countless blood tests, biopsies and genetic testing and we’ve realised that my lady bits, or ‘oven’ as I like to call it, is very much the problem. Now, at 29, you’d never think you’d have a problem falling pregnant, but here we are. With a higher amount of natural killer cells, surgery for endometriosis and adenonyosis and some immune issues, I refer to my bits as the ‘killer vagina’ at times, as we think it may like to kill off the embryo we put in. Thanks vagina. After 5 rounds of IVF at a clinic I won’t speak of, as well as 2 loads of eggs being taken, I now understand how important it is to TRUST YOUR GUT. It’s hard to compare an experience when you’ve never been through the process before, but if you feel like you know something’s not right, question it. I can’t stress enough that if you have questions, ask them. Don’t let people make you feel stupid – no question is a stupid question. I’ve now found a wonderful clinic and a doctor who is the perfect fit for us. Each visit I bring a list of questions, and whether they are stupid ‘googling European IVF methods at 2am questions’ or suggestions from my acupuncturist, she answers them with honesty and compassion – and most importantly, without making me feel like a complete idiot. And lastly, self care. 5 years ago I would have rolled my eyes at someone preaching self care. But, here I am. The eye roller is preaching; how ironic. I always like to do fun, feel good stuff on the reg but it never used to be built into my routine. But when you’re taking over 14 tablets a day and feel like you’re menopausal at 28, sometimes you just need to love yourself. Everyone has different things that make them tick, and sometimes it’s the simple things that are the best. I find great pleasure sipping the perfect decaf coffee (yes, decaf!), going for long walks, blogging or just talking non-IVF-stuff with my friends. At home I diffuse essential oils, again a new thing for me but I’m now obsessed and it shakes the bad vibes. I’ve also been known to spend a small fortune on underwear, because let’s face it, sticking pessaries up your vag 3 times a day is the best way to take all sexiness away from your life. Bonds lace undies are the best solution, they’re comfortable, a higher cut to hide my estrogen patches and do good things for your ass. Double win. Find what you love and do it. Or, if it’s expensive, find a cheaper option; I’d love to fly to Bali every cycle but let’s be honest, this IVF biz is costly as hell. Most of all, love yourself. Because going through all this shit is going to make you one hell of a stronger woman. Beginners Tips on IVF • Find a doctor that you feel comfortable around.• Ask your doctors and nurses questions- lots of them!• Try and pre plan the financial side of things. It’s expensive and looking at the price of a cycle can be stressful enough, so speak to your clinic about payment and gap options.• Get your head around medicare- speak with the nance department of your clinic, they are generally Medicare gurus.• Surround yourself with supportive people- this is a full on time and you’ll need all the love you can get.• Shop around- there are so many clinics around, so be sure to look at success rates, their doctors, prices and payment options.• Reward yourself daily when going through treatment- I hate needles so after daily

Preparing For Birth Hypno-what? When I first heard of hypnobirthing I assumed it was some weird hippy thing I wouldn’t be able to take seriously. Of course I turned to the source of all knowledge, YouTube, to research, I stumbled across a mum I could relate to telling her positive story about hypnobirthing. I was intrigued. After falling into a long YouTube hole, including the weird and the hippy, I came out the other end determined to try hypnobirthing myself. This led me to My Private Midwife. I am a university educated wanna-be health professional, so I wanted the course I did to be evidenced based and not too much of the fluffy stuff. Kate Bergamasco of My Private Midwife is a University of South Australia tutor and facilitator, a midwife and has a Masters of Nursing, so I knew I was in the right hands. But, don’t worry, you don’t need a degree in health to understand her course, she just knows her stuff and is easily and willingly able to back it up with evidence. What is hypnobirthing, you’re probably wondering. Well Kate describes it as “a type of childbirth education class which promotes birth as a normal function for women. Classes empower parents with knowledge and confidence in the woman’s ability to birth.” Hypnobirthing uses education about the birth process, along with breathing techniques, scripts and hypnosis, affirmations and massage to help women calmly through labour. For me, I found the education, breathing techniques, affirmations and massage to be the most helpful. Knowing my breath and keeping calm was the healthiest thing for my baby was instrumental in me staying focused on breathing through each ‘surge’. I love hypnobirthing and will tell anyone who will listen to me. I love it because it empowered me. It informed my choices and helped me and my husband stand up for them during labour. But to be honest, it was my husband who stood up for me in labour, I was more like “yeah whatever, get out of my face”, and so it empowered my husband too. Kate says, “[partners] help care providers understand what the birthing mother needs to achieve her calm positive birth.” My husband knew all the jargon and he was on the ball the whole time. He could, and did, liaise with doctors and midwifes throughout the whole process. This was the biggest benefit for us, it helped him know what to do during labour. My labour plan before taking the hypnobirthing course was ‘no intervention unless medically necessary’ in bold and underlined. After my hypnobirthing course it was more like ‘no intervention unless medically necessary and I’ll be ok if interventions are necessary.’ And in my case they were. My baby did not want to come out and I was induced 10 days over her due date. Hypnobirthing helped me to understand what was happening during the induction and it helped me to stay calm and positive through the whole process. I didn’t end up having to have the oxytocin drip and started labour after one lot of gels and my waters being broken. This may or may not have been because of hypnobirthing, but I would say it definitely helped. Especially when “hypnobirthing parents are calm and confident, they are conditioned to release endorphins and other natural hormones to help them cope with this very normal function,” says Kate. In the end, I managed to birth my beautiful, big (3.8 kg!!) baby daughter pain medication free. It was a fast and intense labour. I stayed calm for almost the whole time, with one minor freak out, which was quickly calmed by my prepared husband. Hypnobirthing enabled me to trust my body and my baby. I was able to work with my surges and breathe my baby out. I have never felt as strong and capable as I did delivering my daughter. If you’re a soon-to-be mama, research hypnobirthing and better yet, book in with Kate at My Private Midwife. She “work[s] with parents to achieve the calm positive and supported experience that every parent should have.” Hypnobirthing empowered me through the most unknown and vulnerable time of my life, and I will always be thankful to Kate for that. myprivatemidwife.com.au Nick Lawrence Photo