Meet

Dave Thornton is bringing his new show So What Now? to the 2018 Adelaide Fringe Festival, 27 February – 4 March! Best known for his whip-smart and damn funny stand up comedy, Dave recently hung up the headphones after four years of breakfast radio. He was looking forward to not setting his alarm for 5am and trading sales meeting for regular trips to the local pool. He soon realised you don’t need an alarm to be woken up at the crack of dawn, a one-year-old will do the trick just fine. After enough nights of rocking an infant at 3am you will start seeing things that aren’t there so like a comedy Hendrix, he’s hoping that he writes his best material when he’s hallucinating. This will be an upside down take on an upside down year – he’s thrown in the security of a regular pay check to head back on the road at precisely the time in life that he should be taking life seriously. Luckily, Dave has never been able to take anything too seriously. He mightn’t have slept but that will make it all the funnier when he breaks his 3km radius cordon to bring his brand new show to Adelaide, but first Dave tells us five things he’s learnt from being a dad. 5 things I’ve learnt from being a Dad I’ve been a Dad now for 16 months and counting. Here are 5 things I never realized would happen, but now know that they do. White t-shirts are a no go. Let’s be honest it always takes a confident man to wear white anyway (hello sweat patches!) but with a kid you’ll get the entire food pyramid smeared on to your crisp whitey guaranteed. The good thing is after a while you’ll give in to it and people will just think you’re bringing Hypercolour T’s back thanks to the tie dye imprint of Avocado, Vegemite and Spag Bol your child has smeared all over you. Congrats- you’re now a walking hand towel! Organic fruit and vegetables are far too expensive. Of course, you have to buy them organic vegetables because they need the best in life. No one likes pesticides!!* (*NB: you secretly do because those bad boys keep the price of produce reasonable and without them a punnet of blueberries is the same cost as a house deposit for a 5 bedroom Sydney waterside mansion). I love it when I hear parents-to-be say ‘it won’t change my life’. Of course, it won’t! Keep your 2-door VW Golf GT- the kid can simply be ocky strapped to the roof! The little one will totally understand you’ve been out since 3 in the morn and will sit silently in their cot until you wake for your 11am brunch date! And they’ll definitely understand you have an important workday tomorrow so they won’t wake up teething 4 times in the night and make the following day a nightmarish blur! (Is there a font for sarcasm? Because this entire paragraph could use it) Daycare is harder to get into than the Illuminati. They have waiting lists. They are all full to the brim so get in early. And when I say early – I mean it. Ask around before they’re born. Get on the waiting list as soon as your partner has missed her period. Actually, even if you’re single just put their hypothetical name down and even if you don’t find someone in the interim sublet your space out to desperate parents who’ll pay anything for a day of relief. And lastly; I’ve never loved anything more than I love that little sh!t. That teething, giggling, dirty hands hugging, blue berry eating, not-always-sleeping-well gorgeous little stinker of mine. Instagram: @dave_thorno Website: Dave Thornton – So What Now Fringe Tickets 

Leandra Medine, or as the fashion world know her, the Man Repeller is an American author, blogger, and humour writer. Man Repeller is an independent fashion and lifestyle website, which Leandra summed up to the Daily Mail by saying “Good fashion is about pleasing women, not men, so as it happens, the trends that we love, men hate. And that is fantastic.” Last November Leandra announced that she was pregnant with twins, now in her latest article she uses 30 mirror selfies to discuss how pregnancy changed her style and questions what purpose her clothes serve both physically and mentally. Leandra writes ‘The common denominator among these occasions is that I needed the clothes to act as armour, which would mean that the definition of “the real me” is conflated because armour — a protective shield — can never get at the crux of who I really am, who any of us really are,’ Leandra also discusses the change in colour and accessories, ‘There is little colour, and they mostly exist as a function of limitations that I have tried to offset with a multitude of accessories and coats and shoes where I can. On most days, I don’t feel like I’m wearing my own clothes or my own style, but I don’t really care. Something far bigger than me and high-rise jeans and waist belts is in progress, and whatever sartorial malaise — the banality, the sameness — that this mass has ignited is helping me to find the energetic special sauce that I’ve previously used to define looking, feeling and therefore being better, elsewhere.’ The limitations of pregnancy simplified things in the sense that Leandra was forced to live within the capsule wardrobe she had romanticised about. Dressing became easy when the options were rotating between two pairs of pants and a handful of the same shirt. ‘It’s making me ask what I use my clothes to do for me and how I can do that for myself. Herein lies the difference between bandages (using clothes to look better) and stitches (solid self-talk to be better), surface-level medicating (a new blazer on a bad day) and cellular-level repair (getting to the heart of what is bothering me).’ All things aside Leandra admits that although this journey has been one of self discovery she knows herself and finishes with, ‘And once this is over, no matter how free I might feel right now, it’s back to the dungeon of maximalism. Maybe I’m a masochist, but man, I love a frivolous skirt’ Man Repeller Instagram: @manrepeller Personal Instagram: @leandramcohen Facebook: Manrepeller 

Meet Dannii O’Donnell, Mum to Edie, two years and Raffy, 13 weeks. When the kids are fast asleep Dannii she uses writing as her creative outlet. My Social Media Sabbatical – By Dannii O’Donnell I was deep in a newborn-induced social media abyss. I’m talking hours stuck on the couch underneath an insatiable, cluster-feeding baby. Nights up breastfeeding in bed, scrolling Instagram in a desperate attempt to keep my eyes open (and often failing, I might add, jolting awake with phone still in hand, thumb in scrolling position, bub still on boob). I would pat his milk-filled belly with one hand and update Facebook with the other. Just what exactly did the breastfeeding, sleep-deprived mother do before social media? I remember musing to myself. God forbid I get stuck beneath a sleeping baby, my phone out of reach. Oh the misery! And sure, it was a great way to kill the time and, yes, it (sometimes) helped me stay awake. But you know what? It was making me feel like shit. I came to this conclusion after a rather difficult day. Okay, a disastrous day. Two kids under two is enough to drive any Mum mad, and on this particular day I was exhausted, hormonal and a mess (not even a hot one). My little darlings had gotten the better of me and as I sat on my bed, breastfeeding the newest member of our tribe while scrolling Instagram, tears began to roll down my cheeks. I was only feeling worse and worse: The Fit Mums with the toned, tanned rigs and immaculate diets. The Fashionable Mums with wardrobes that mixed vintage and new oh-so effortlessly. The Creative Mums with the picture-perfect Instagram squares, consistent in colour palette and theme. Don’t even get me started on the DIY Mums, kids’ rooms styled as though they’d been lifted directly from a Pinterest board. They say ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’ Well, I was making a lot of comparisons. Why don’t I look like that after having my babies? Why doesn’t my Instagram feed look like that? Why don’t I live in Byron Bay in a pristine beach house, dressed in kick-ass boho get-up? Yeah, zero joy. And in that moment, as I mentally tore shreds off myself, I decided enough was enough. No more Facebook, no more Instagram. I was going on a Social Media Sabbatical. I swiftly deleted the apps and felt an instant sense of relief. One month, I thought to myself. I will go one month without it and see how I feel. I instantly started to wonder what I would do with all my new spare time. My first thought? Read. I would read. And in a matter of minutes I had placed half a dozen books on hold at my local library. And do you know how many of those books I finished? Not one. Clearly I got a bit excited; I have a toddler and a new born for goodness sake! Nevertheless, the intention was there and I do intend to read those books when time permits. So I may not have read any books, but as the month passed by I noticed a few things: I was more present in conversations with my loved ones. I played with my kids more. I still took photos (with an actual camera) but without the pressure of finding the perfect filter or writing a witty caption. I shopped online less. I was there to enjoy life’s precious little moments, without the distraction of my phone. And biggest of all, I felt a hell of a lot better about myself. Now I’m not going to get up on my high horse and say that this Social Media Sabbatical has changed my life and that I’m quitting indefinitely. But I will say this: I am certainly more aware of the impact that social media platforms have on my own self-esteem and on my relationships, and I do intend to switch off every now and then to reset. So, if you’ve found yourself in a similar position to me and are considering a digital detox, give it a try. At worst, I can guarantee you’ll save some money. And at best, you might just discover the important things in life. @danii.odonnell 

Get over this idea of an expensive unused gym membership, Eenie Meenie Miney Mum aka Olivia Williams is back to help us with some more realistic New Year’s resolutions. ——————————————————————————————————————————————- So far, only a few days out from the end of 2017, my “don’t have an affair with Chris Hemsworth” resolution is going great! And if I could just manage to stop letting my children get in the way of me eating an entire tub of ice cream in one sitting then I may just realise my dream of being crowned the queen of cellulite. #soclose Truth be told though, I’m not really much of a new years resolution kind of person, I’m more of a “get really motivated to change my whole life at 2am on a random Thursday” person. So this year I’ve come up with some more realistic New Years resolutions that I might be able to actually keep. You know, things like, get a little bit older. Stand up a little bit more. Sit down a bit more. Breathe a lot. That type of thing. The type of things that, whilst physically and/or mentally demanding, are not completely impossible. It won’t be easy, but you CAN do this!!! 1. Drink more water. Water with coffee in it. 2. Be more spiritual. And by spiritual, I mean drunk. Well…Jesus did turn water into wine… 3. Don’t spend too much time wearing pants. 4. Something something fitness [pizza in my mouth]. 5. Don’t get mistaken for Miranda Kerr in public and on the beach [this one is going to be TRICKY but I’m not afraid of a challenge. Unless that challenge is burpees. In which case, no]. 6. Focus on the important things; Netflix and avoiding people. 7. Don’t be upsetti. Eat spaghetti. 8. Stop fucking swearing so fucking much. 9. Love myself like Kanye loves Kanye and believe in myself like Kanye believes in Kanye. 10. Pee without an audience, at least once, sometime, in the history of ever. 11. Wear work out clothes and, as such, be one step closer to actually working out. 12. Stay awake when I sit down on the couch. 13. Stop telling the postman too many details about my life. 14. Exercise [my right to eat] more [tacos] 15. Leave the house one Friday night this year. 16. Make a handful of people believe I’m normal before blindsiding them with my real personality. 17. Eat less fondu. #fondont 18. Watch less bananas die in the fruit bowl. 19. More grilled cheese. 20. Be less willing to look ugly in public. 21. Keep being cool as fuck. Oftentimes me being cool AF looks something like this 22. Give up learning new things because we’ll have google forever. 23. Accept myself for the person I pretend to be. 24. Remember to write 2018 instead of 2017. 25. Stop drinking orange juice after I’ve brushed my teeth. Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.