Twice the love, and twice the attention

By Mercedes Mercier, twin mum and author
Photos: Hello Maeve Photography

When I was lying on my back in March 2024, holding my husband’s hand tightly, pure anxiety thundering through my veins (a previous missed miscarriage will do that), and the radiologist asked me “can you see two in there?”, I had a lot of thoughts. First and foremost was, obviously, thank goodness my baby (babies!) have heartbeats.

The second was, maybe also obviously, panic. How are we going to handle two babies at once? Two lots of crying, two nappies to change, two babies to feed… The list goes on.

And then, once we announced the pregnancy, the advice came thick and fast: Make sure you keep them on the same schedule, buy a twin-z pillow to feed them at the same time, let yourself be okay with being tired, there may be two of them, but it’s not double the work…

But what no one warned me about was the attention we’d get whenever we’re out. It’s relentless. I don’t think I’ve gone out with my girls once without being stared at, talked about, or had people come up to me for a chat.

The first thing they always, always ask is “are they twins?”. In the early days, I turned the pram seats to face me to try to dissuade people from seeing in, but it was no use. The double pram is a dead giveaway. And it acts like a beacon.

I do get it, though. Twins are interesting and exciting, and most people genuinely mean well. I love talking to people who are curious and polite, or have a connection to twins. However, some of the things people feel entitled to say to twin mums is astounding.

I’ve been asked outright if they’re ‘natural’ (and am often tempted to fire back, ‘yes, we had sex!’); I’ve had someone say to my face that ‘having twins is my nightmare’ (I wanted to retort that ‘having your level of rudeness is MY nightmare!’); ‘you’re so brave for bringing them out with you’ (as opposed to leaving them at home, or never leaving the house?) and ‘better you than me’ (yes, you’re right, I’m very grateful it was me not you who got blessed with twins).

Not everyone is rude, of course, I’ve had plenty of people compliment my girls or tell me how lucky I am. But I can safely say I’d be happy to never hear the phrase ‘double trouble’ or ‘you’ve got your hands full’ ever again.

Another thing I wasn’t warned about is the extra mental load that comes with being a parent of identical twins. It’s not just working out how other people, such as childcare educators or even family, can tell them apart (we always send one girl to childcare with pigtails and the other with a ponytail), it’s also raising two people who look exactly same, as individuals.

Something my husband and I agreed early on was that we’d never refer to them as ‘the twins’ – we’ll either call them by their names or call them ‘the girls’. While we want to celebrate the amazing, unique bond they have, we want them to know they’re always two individual people first and foremost.

They might share a birthday, but they’ll always have a birthday cake each, their own presents, and will get sung to individually.

But for all the difficult moments in twin mum life, and there are many, the good outweighs the bad a millionfold. Why did no one warn me how my heart would explode when they held hands while they slept? Or when one cries and the other runs to comfort her with a dummy and back pats?

How when one starts giggling, the other can’t help but join in, every time? When I watch them on the nursery monitor, chatting and giggling to each other in their cots? Some people might think it’s a nightmare, but for me, being a twin mum is a joy and a privilege.

And for those twin mums-to-be, who are fearfully wondering what life is going to look like, here’s my warning: be prepared for the biggest blessing of your life (and a lot of conversations with strangers!). It really is, as they say, double the love.

Mercedes is also the author of The Couples Retreat (RRP $34.99), available now wherever good books are sold.

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