By Madhavi Nawana Parker, Positive Minds Australia
Okay I wasn’t entirely realistic with this title – but now I have your attention, could there be a better way to navigate the school holidays and travelling with children? Of course there is.
Set clear (and realistic) expectations
Family life isn’t meant to be steady and stress free all the time. The ups and downs of family life are essential for providing our children with practice for relationships, mutual respect, empathy, repairing conflict and emotional regulation.
Family life is practice for adult life and our children are so early into their experience of being a person, they are meant to struggle and make mistakes.
Before the holidays start, take time to work out what your children’s strengths and difficulties are. Then set some healthy limits, and make sure what you are expecting of them is fair for their age and realistic for their developmental abilities.
When you are happy with your plan, make your expectations clear to your child. Your structure, routine, boundaries, and expectations will help them navigate the change in routine and structure.
Setting clear expectations in advance helps children and teenagers feel secure, especially when delivered in a compassionate and relaxed way.
Consider using a visual schedule, especially for younger, more anxious, or neurodivergent children, which research shows can reduce anxiety by providing predictability.
Meet your children where they are at (and be adaptable and flexible where necessary)
When you plan a holiday, it’s only natural to want to immerse in as many of the opportunities and benefits of travel as possible. If your plans don’t match your child’s ability to keep up with them, this can lead to exhaustion, overwhelm and emotionality.
When children whine and complain about holiday plans, it’s rarely that they are ungrateful, (even though it feels that way).
It’s usually a sign they’ve reached their limits. Children can only cope with a certain number of new things each day.
Introverts and more sensitive children need even more time to recharge away from people and places, to reset their stamina to step out of their comfort zone again, for another new experience.
Involve them in the planning
Studies highlight that involving children in planning helps them feel more engaged and cooperative during activities. This doesn’t mean they decide everything, but allowing them to pick between two destinations, choose snacks for the trip, or select a family game can make them feel like valued members of the family.
For many children, especially those who are neurodivergent, routine changes can be unsettling.
Research suggests sticking to familiar routines as much as possible, like keeping consistent sleep and mealtimes. For those children who might struggle with adjusting, use social stories or talk about the changes ahead of time.
If a late night is planned, discuss it and ensure a rest day follows so children have time to recharge.
Set screen time limits ahead of time
Travel and school holidays can make it tempting to rely on screens, especially for those long car rides or flights.
While screens are useful distractions, too much time on them can lead to overstimulation and mood swings.
Set screen-time expectations before your trip or holiday begins, and aim to balance screen use with other activities like drawing, reading, or family games.
The longer you hold off on screens each day, the easier it is to keep kids engaged socially and actively. Every family’s needs differ, so use screens as suits you best.
Encourage physical activity
Extended periods of sitting in cars, planes and even just around the house, can lead to pent-up energy.
According to research on childhood development, physical activity is essential for children’s well-being and can help prevent irritability.
If you’re driving, plan frequent stops where children can move around. During flights, walk up and down the aisle with them when allowed.
At your destination, prioritise activities that allow children to be active.
At home during the school holidays, support your child to find modes of movement that they find meaningful and enjoyable so that regular movement doesn’t feel like a chore.
Remember, you are the parent and your boundaries and expectations about balancing their days to include movement are perfectly reasonable, even if they complain about it.
Manage your own stress and emotions
Research in family psychology underscores that children are sensitive to parents’ emotions.
Our children borrow our calm, to calm themselves when they are upset.
During the holidays, disruptions are inevitable, but modelling patience and staying calm can help children do the same.
Parenting isn’t always easy, and if being calm doesn’t come easily to you, check out ‘Unmad’ where you can find simple, evidence-based ways to handle parenting through your child’s meltdowns, like a boss.
