By Kate Holland, writer and parent
In truth, for most of us the greatest challenge will be managing our rising fear while tempering how we approach our beautiful boys to ensure they feel more seen and supported than doubted and judged. As they deserve. But for anyone genuinely worried about a negative change in their teen’s trajectory, what then?
Find helpers, in the form of positive role models.
According to parenting expert Maggie Dent, we all need to lead our teen boys (and girls) towards lighthouses, “guides and mentors who are not their mums and dads.” She said “the role of lighthouses is particularly important during adolescence when children go through massive change and are easily influenced. Caring, competent adult mentors can make the difference between thriving and flourishing and struggling and failing.”
Fellow parenting expert Stephen Biddulph agrees. “The journey towards manhood takes time and the real qualities such as kindness, good humour, tenderness, patience and self-belief are all quite complex neuromuscular skills that you can’t learn from a PowerPoint or a book,” he said. “You have to see these skills lived out in real life, over extended time, via role models that you take into yourself in depth because you like and respect them and feel liked and valued by them in return.”
While family, friends, neighbours and teachers can be invited to assume these roles, it’s reassuring to know that there are some local organisations (like the ones who’ll read about below) offering positive programs and role models too…
These organisations might help quash the doom scroll as well. Give them a follow!
The Rite Journey
We’re an organisation dedicated to guiding adolescents through their transition into adulthood. We provide educational programs (and specialised training for teachers to deliver the programs) that support personal growth and self-discovery.
Our mission is to create a supportive environment that helps young people develop resilience, responsibility, and a sense of purpose as they navigate the transition from childhood to adulthood using a Rite of Passage framework. We serve teachers, parents and communities by empowering them to self-sufficiently and sustainably grow responsible, resilient, resourceful, and reflective children and adolescents by providing training, workshops, resources, support and inspiration.
At our core is relational teaching. These longer-term relationships over a school year allow us to build trust, provide consistent support, and foster significant personal development. This ongoing engagement helps young people form positive habits that can last a lifetime. An adult who provides an enduring presence and interest in a young person’s life can be transformative.
Our Flagship program is a year-long school-based Rite of Passage (usually in Year 9) that includes mentoring, community involvement, and personal reflection. It’s designed to foster deeper relationships and sustained personal growth for young adolescents. The biggest challenge of the year (The Abyss) is a solitary bush experience that helps them learn more about themselves and set goals for their future.
Lighthouse Youth Projects
Jamie Moore and I founded Lighthouse on a shared love of bike riding. Our guiding principle is mentoring through bikes, and our mission is to empower all youth, especially those who are vulnerable and are at-risk, to achieve their full potential through bike-based programs and workshops. We pass on skills, but we also reinforce a standard of behaviour. You have to earn the fun stuff.
We work with young people regardless of circumstance, supporting them into positive pathways through a diverse range of on-going programs (available both in and out of school) and offer community events like Get Stoked, BMX and MTB coaching, and life skills mentoring.
There is often so much potential in young people, even if it takes a while for some of them to see it. Giving them the chance to ride with someone who cares about their wellbeing and where their future could lead is really empowering. Our mentors have all lived through highs and lows, which makes us relatable. Pairing that with the endorphins that come from nailing tricks or lasting out a ride, and talking issues gets even easier.
It’s when we’re pushed outside of our comfort zone that we learn what we are capable of. Our work helps young people to develop self-confidence and the spin-off into everyday life is immense. One of our clients, Harry, was a teen Dad at 14 who got in with the wrong crowd and dropped out of school. We met him through our TRAILS program, facilitated by Mas National, and he says it was feeling connected and understood by our crew that helped him get back on track for his daughter.
In Your Skin
Inyourskin is a relationships and sexuality education service. I’m an advocate for healthy and consenting relationships with extensive experience in program development and education delivery. Our organisational mission is to improve sexual health and safety and support healthy psychosexual development.
For adolescents, our focus is on developing healthy relationship skills with an emphasis on consent and communication skills. We encourage students to actively consider their relationship values and expectations, to think about their language and negotiation skills, and to develop a healthy and realistic sense of self and ‘other’. We also run a separate workshop for year 11 and 12 students about the impact of alcohol on consent. Our programs can be one-offs or ongoing.
I see boys struggling with rigid constructions of masculinity and participating in a hookup culture that doesn’t allow them to express their emotions and vulnerability. All our work explores the impact of gender stereotypes, gendered behaviours and gendered relations on the health and wellbeing of individuals and relationships.
Students at a school where I have worked for over five years have told me that our education keeps them and their romantic partners safer, that they have developed skills they need to take care of themselves and others, and that their school culture and broader social climate is one of consent and respect and more egalitarian attitudes towards gender.
Operation Flinders
We run adventure therapy programs in the remote outback, working with disengaged adolescents we strive to increase their levels of connection, resilience and purpose, leading to improved mental health outcomes, and increased social engagement. Our mission is to transform the lives of these young people. And no, they don’t have to be athlete-level fit to participate.
For young people aged between 13 and 18, our core program is held over eight days in the northern Flinders Ranges. Students are typically referred to us as part of a team of 10 from a school or agency. They can trek up to 100 km, experience abseiling, Indigenous culture, bushcraft and build self-confidence through challenging themselves. This experience can show them a positive side they didn’t know they had – strengths and accomplishments they can take back with them into everyday life.
Once they’ve completed our core program, they’re invited to join the Next Step Program which is structured to provide ongoing opportunities in self-development, self-confidence and learning. They can walk again as part of the leadership team, take part in activity weekends and explore iconic areas of South Australia. There are also accredited certifications, short courses and employment pathway programs on offer. Most importantly, there is ongoing connection with positive role models.
All those who participate in our core program will be automatically awarded the Adventurous Journey part of the internationally recognised Duke of Edinburgh program which is an excellent initiative to help equip young people aged 14-24 for life and work. And as part of the Next Step program, you can complete it all for free.
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