WORDS: Madhavi Nawana Parker, Child and Youth Specialist and Director at Positive Minds Australia
No matter how well prepared a student is and how supportive and compassionate you are, test anxiety is very common. In a recent study, approximately 67 percent of students in year 7-12 report feeling moderately to extremely stressed over tests and exams, even when they feel well prepared. For fifty percent of these young people, the number one source of the pressure comes from themselves (PISA 2015 Results (Volume III))
Personality, temperament, and mindset plays a huge part in this. Some young people will just ‘feel the feels’ much more. Preadolescence and adolescence is a critical time to intervene if you see anxiety related habits forming, given health-related behaviours established during this time, often carry on into adulthood.
In a recent study, approximately 67 percent of students in year 7-12 report feeling moderately to extremely stressed over tests and exams, even when they feel well prepared.
Anxiety is a combination of faulty thinking (e.g. future predicting, ‘I’ll forget everything and fail the test’ or catastrophising, ‘I’m so bad at tests, I’m never going to get into Uni. I may as well give up now.’) and an overactive fight flight freeze response.
When something matters to a person, (like how you perform in a test), anxiety can blow well out of proportion, fast. Without effective strategies to cope with the pressure, a young person may quickly spiral into overwhelm, try to avoid the test altogether, or struggle to think straight once they are in the test.
Here are 11 ways you can support your child to perform at their best:
- Stay connected and present in your relationship with them.
- You are the ‘bookends’ to their day at school. A warm, gentle, and loving start to the day speaks volumes. Teenagers often struggle to kick start their day with positive emotions and can be a tad grouchy when they wake up. Take a breath, regulate yourself and knock on that door with warmth, to start their day. Speak with a tone that fills them with confidence about how loved and wanted they are. (You might have to turn a blind eye to their messy room and the 147 day old half eaten apple, and deal with that later). Starting each day with harmony and connection contributes to your resilience and wellbeing, and they will need plenty of that to perform at their best. Connect through shared interests and your interest in their interests. Leave them a note expressing your love and appreciation for them and smile at them often.
- Be kind to yourself and support your own wellbeing.
- It’s not an easy age for them (or you) so self-compassion and compassion for them is crucial for both of you. When your wellbeing is healthy, you will be calmer and ready to cope with their emotional dysregulation. Emotions are contagious, you catch them from young people and give them to young people too. While you can’t control what a young person brings into the emotional space you’re in, you can do everything you can to manage your emotions.
- Talk through emotions.
- Find a moment where you’re not distracted or have too many other competing demands. Ask them why they are feeling upset about taking the test. Ask them what parts of taking a test is causing stress. Is it the time pressure? The deep focus required? The painful silence in the room? Not understanding the questions? Fear of failure? Help them understand what they are thinking and ask them if they can think of any solutions. Help them come up with a plan if they do struggle in the test, help them keep things in perspective too and remind them they are not alone in having these feelings and it’s all part of being human and going through hard things. Something feeling hard, doesn’t mean they are incapable of coping with it.
- Help them build an optimistic and capable mindset by role modelling this yourself.
- Your attitude matters and they can’t be what they can’t see. Notice the positives and talk often about how proud you are of their efforts and ability to keep persisting even when the work has been difficult. Remind them that taking a test is meant to feel uncomfortable and the nerves can provide us with just the right amount of adrenalin to help keep us focused enough to take the test successfully. Normalise the discomfort and remind them this is not a sign they won’t cope. Show your confidence they will keep feeling more ready for and comfortable with tests with time, practice and effort.
- Assess your child’s wellbeing.
- Our minds function optimally when our wellbeing is nourished. Is your child getting enough unstructured outdoor play, rest, time with friends and family, nutrition and hydration? Who are they spending their time with and what are they spending their time on?
- Make sure they are sleeping enough.
- One of the most powerful performance enhancers is a good night’s sleep. The part of our brain most sensitive to lack of sleep is the amygdala where fight, flight and freeze occur. A lack of sleep can increase anxiety – even without a test on the horizon. Teenagers can encounter sleep difficulties as part of all the brain changes that occur during these years. They can also lose sleep when their mobile devices are allowed in their bedrooms, they are not engaging in enough daily movement, play and positive social interaction. Set the scene for a restful night’s sleep by lowering lighting and turning off screens (at least one hour before bedtime). Perhaps encourage them to take a bath or read a book to help prepare for sleep. Getting a full night’s rest prior to the test is one way to ensure they will be ready to give it their best.
- Make the morning of the test gentle and consistent.
- Stick to your usual routine (this is not the time for surprises, lateness, and power struggles). Let them suggest a good breakfast the night before or go ahead and make something high protein or low sugar you know they’ll love. There’s nothing wrong with a slap dash ‘up and go’ on the way out the door either. Placing yourself under unnecessary pressure to come up with the perfect breakfast is not going to help them either! If they can get to school by walking or riding, that early morning movement will certainly help get that cortisol congestion moving out of their bloodstream. Remind them that Lionel Messi is famous for managing his anxiety about playing in a soccer game, by walking all around the field prior to every match, to prepare mentally and physically. Movement really does matter.
- Provide moral support.
- Show them you care, have confidence in them, their school, and their future. Be ready to listen quietly, without judgement. Resist the urge to talk too much, or offer solutions, unless they ask. Listening and being curious is far more powerful than problem solving for them or joining in their alarm. Avoid comparison to peers and siblings. Talk about what you see them doing well at least 3 times more than talking about what you see them doing wrong that needs correction. It can help to imagine you’re their age again, with that underdeveloped brain, facing social comparison and fear of failure with a big test on the horizon. What might you need and like to hear from a carer?
- Make sure you aren’t accidentally placing pressure on them.
- Sometimes parents unintentionally place unnecessary pressure on their children, burdening them with expectations during tests and exams. This might be about a parent’s own fears for their child’s future or regrets about how they studied (or didn’t study) at school. It’s so important to work on this and try not to add to any self-imposed pressure and perfectionism your child might already have.
- Learn and practice mindfulness and deep breathing.
- Mindfulness, yoga and diaphragmatic breathing techniques have become more popular as a method of stress management in Australian schools. These evidence-based wellbeing practices decrease the physiological markers of stress in diverse populations. Controlled breathing, meditative techniques, yoga positions and mindfulness programs are all readily accessible and fantastic wellbeing tools to develop early in life.
- Normalise test anxiety and their experience.
- Most young people we help with test anxiety think that everyone else is taking tests without anxiety. This makes them feel like they are the only one struggling and that something must be wrong with them. Tell them this simply isn’t true.
If your child’s anxiety seems higher than average, and you are concerned, listen to your intuition, and seek the support of a trained therapist who can improve their social emotional wellbeing.
Wishing you all the very best,
Madhavi
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