WORDS: Helen Connolly, Commissioner for Children & Young People
Feeling left out can affect a child’s overall health and wellbeing, which is why as parents and carers we need to recognise the signs early and work with our child to address them.
I have found that most children empathise strongly with those peers they observe as having difficulty making friends. They often have practical suggestions for ways they can help themselves. These include “being more accepting of others” and “allowing friendships to blossom in ways they may not have imagined”.
They suggest going to places to “meet people, hangout with people, and then get up to being friends”. If this happens in welcoming spaces such as at the local playground or library, in an environment that is safe and well organised “this helps even more”.
Children tell me a good friend encourages you to “be brave” and “knows how to lift each other up”. At the same time, they recognise some friendships can be “toxic” and that at times they need adults to provide advice on how to set boundaries or how to leave a “bad friendship” behind.
As parents and carers, we can quiz our kids on these suggestions and see if they’re tuned in. That way we can find out if they’re confidently finding and making friends, or if they need a bit of extra support. It’s important to listen and not jump in before understanding where they’re at.
Learning what constitutes a healthy friendship, as well as knowing what an unhealthy friendship is like, are key. By freely discussing the attributes of each with our children we help them to understand what being and having a good friend is like.
Friendships formed at a young age can have an impact on how future human connections and relationships are established over a lifetime. We need to be mindful of what our children need from us to support them to make friends, so they can find their own way over time having experienced from a young age what having a good friend is all about.
Helen Connolly is South Australia’s Commissioner for Children and Young People.
To find out more about the work of the Commissioner including access to free resources designed specifically for parents and carers:
ccyp.com.au
