WORDS: Madhavi Nawana Parker, Director at Positive Minds Australia

As life goes on, unstructured play and informal learning reduces. Wonder and imagination take a reluctant back seat, to more formal learning and structure. For some children, this is where self-doubt begins.

Children can’t help but see themselves measured against their peers. Suddenly, they find themselves experiencing social comparison. Even with the most thoughtful parents and educators, who do everything they can to stop young people from measuring themselves against others, children are aware of what is happening around them and can’t help but notice that not everything they have a go at, comes as easily to them as it does to others.

As parents, we can play a powerful role in shaping our child’s future. The words we use, the encouragement we offer, and the conversations we have with them can spark their imaginations, boost their confidence, and help them believe in their potential. Here are some practical ways to talk to your children so they feel inspired and equipped to reach their dreams.

1. Listen first, speak later

Children often reveal their dreams and aspirations through casual conversation or play. By actively listening, you can uncover what excites them and what they truly care about. Show genuine curiosity by asking open-ended questions like:

• “What made you think of that?”
• “What do you like most about this idea?”
  

Listening without judgment fosters trust and lets them feel safe sharing their big (and sometimes seemingly impossible) dreams. While it can be tempting to tell them that statistically their chances of being a famous YouTuber or soccer star are not high, children are already very aware of their strengths and difficulties.

If we jump in out of our own fears that we will be stuck with them in our basements watching them chew up our Wi-Fi while they play video games from dusk till dawn, (because their plans to be YouTuber didn’t quite work out) we don’t allow them to fully explore their thoughts, and we can stifle the process of self-discovery. We risk them seeing not just this dream, but other big dreams as impossible. Try to listen without coming up with counter arguments and consistently communicate that you believe they can achieve anything they put their mind (and effort) towards.

Other ways to show your support include comments like:

• “That’s an amazing goal! How can we learn more about it?”
• “I love how you’re thinking big. Let’s figure out how to take the first step.”

Your enthusiasm shows them that no dream is too big and that they have your support.

2. Focus on progress and effort, not the outcome

When our little ones learn something new, or reach a goal, we feel so proud. It can be easy to fall into the trap of telling them how smart they are every time they do well at kindy or school, or how they are the best runner in their class when they come first in a race. What this kind of feedback does is focus on the outcome of their hopes and dreams, not the effort they put towards reaching them. Labelling them as ‘smart’ and ‘fast’ while well intended, can increase their need for feedback from others to know if they are doing well enough. When you replace this kind of feedback by focusing on their effort and progress, they learn to focus on the steps and effort involved in reaching their goals, rather than luck.

Achieving dreams takes time, and progress often comes in small increments. Celebrate these milestones to keep your child motivated. Say things like:

• “Look how much you’ve improved since you started!”
• “You’re getting closer to your goal every day.”
• “You have been working so hard on this.”
• “You’ve been practicing so hard, no wonder you’ve improved so much.
  

By focusing on progress rather than perfection, you’ll help your child maintain a positive attitude and not fall into the traps of perfectionism and avoidance out of fear of failure.

3. Encourage self-reflection

As children get older and start heading towards adolescence, they need to learn how to evaluate their efforts and identify what does and doesn’t work. This is how they learn to focus on what’s necessary to reach a dream and realistic about what will help them get there. Sometimes they will need to adjust the goal posts. Asking questions like the ones here, can help them along the path of self-awareness and personal growth.

• “What did you learn from this?”
• “What would you do differently next time?”
• “Did anything get in the way of you reaching your dream?”

This fosters critical thinking and helps them become more self-aware, setting them up for long-term success.

4. Stay connected through the ups and downs

There is nothing more important for a child’s mental health and happiness than a strong, healthy relationship with adults who look for and find the best in them. The ideal is for at least one of these people to be a parent or caregiver. Children need adults who believe in them and their dreams, especially during those inevitable low points, when they begin to doubt themselves. Our optimism in young people helps develop their confidence in themselves. When young people feel connected to us, they are more likely to believe us when we encourage them.

5. Be their cheerleader and find them other cheerleaders if you can

Children need to know that someone believes in them. The more adults in their lives (parents, caregivers, educators, coaches, family and so forth) who show your child they believe in them, the better.

Hearing words like, “I believe in you,” and “You’re capable of amazing things,” boosts their self-confidence. When they know you’re in their corner, they’ll feel more confident tackling challenges.

6. Help them find things they are successful at

For some children, school can become a place that reminds them about how much they struggle. This can start to fracture self-esteem and their ongoing belief in their dreams. If your child is not doing as well as they hoped, despite their effort and growth mindset, make sure they have other pursuits they feel successful in, so they have evidence they are capable to doing well and reaching their dreams.

With enough support and connection, we can support young people to not only dream big, but live big.

7. Break dreams into steps

Big dreams can feel overwhelming without a clear plan. Teach your child how to break their goals into manageable steps. For example, if your child wants to be an artist, you might say:

• “What’s one small thing you can do today to practice your art?”
• “Let’s find a class or a video that can teach you something new about drawing.”

Learning how to set small, achievable goals will help them build momentum and develop problem-solving skills. Never underestimate the power of small wins.

More information: tinyallies.com.au

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PULL QUOTE 

As parents, we can play a powerful role in shaping our child’s future. The words we use, the encouragement we offer, and the conversations we have with them can spark their imaginations, boost their confidence, and help them believe in their potential.