Helping kids and families have respectful, kind conversations
When you see someone using a wheelchair, wearing a hearing aid, or doing things a little differently, it’s natural to wonder what to say. Curiosity is fine — the key is to ask questions in a way that is respectful, inclusive, and age-appropriate.
Talking about disability openly helps children grow into confident, kind friends who celebrate difference. Avoiding the topic can make difference feel scary or awkward. Honest, gentle explanations show that everyone belongs — whatever their abilities.
Helpful things to say
- “He uses a wheelchair to help him get around.” — clear, factual, kind.
- “She has a disability that means her body or brain works differently.” — simple, normalising.
- “Would you like to tell me more about that?” — invites choice.
- “Can I help?” — offer assistance, but only if it seems needed.
- “Everyone moves and learns in their own way — and that’s okay.” — builds inclusion.
Things to avoid saying
“Words matter. Avoid outdated or hurtful terms, and never make someone feel ‘other’.”
Examples to steer clear of:
- “Confined to a wheelchair” — frames mobility aid as a limitation.
- Using words that are outdated and offensive.
- “That’s so brave!” for everyday actions — can feel patronising.
- Asking “Are you disabled?” as a first question — instead, ask preferred terms.
- Euphemisms like “differently-abled” or “special needs” — unless the person uses that term themselves.
Why words matter
Language shapes understanding. Using person-first language — “a person with a disability” — emphasises the person first.
Some communities, such as Deaf or Autistic advocacy groups, may prefer identity-first language — “disabled person” — as a way of embracing disability as part of identity.
Tip for parents: For a general audience, “person with disability” is inclusive and safe. Always respect the individual’s preference where possible.
Age-appropriate conversation tips
| Age | What they understand | How to approach it |
| 2–5 | Notice differences in bodies or behaviours | “Some kids use wheelchairs. We can still play together.” |
| 6–10 | Ask “why” or “how” | “Everyone moves and learns in their own way. That’s okay.” |
| 11+ | Understand inclusion and accessibility | “What would you do if someone was left out because of their disability?” |
Hidden or invisible disabilities
Not all disabilities are visible. Learning differences, hearing loss, chronic illness, or other conditions may not be obvious. Teach children:
- Respect comes first — don’t assume anything about what someone can or can’t do.
- It’s okay to ask politely — e.g., “How do you like to get around?”
- Kindness matters more than curiosity — treat everyone as a person first.
Helping children become inclusive friends
“Model kindness, curiosity, and openness. Children learn by example.”
- Model respectful language and behaviour.
- Encourage curiosity in safe ways.
- Show accessibility in everyday life — ramps, hearing aids, and communication tools are normal and helpful.
Final Thoughts
Talking about disability doesn’t need to be complicated. The most important lessons are:
- Use respectful, person-first language.
- Treat everyone as a person first — not a disability.
- Encourage empathy, curiosity, and inclusion through words and actions.
When families model kindness and understanding, children learn that difference is normal, diversity is valuable, and every child belongs. Words are powerful, but how we act with them shapes the world. Inclusion isn’t just about saying the right thing, it’s about showing that everyone belongs.
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