Knowing, naming and navigating neurodivergence

Educate
November 26, 2025

When it comes to understanding, supporting and celebrating neurodivergent kids, few voices are as experienced or compassionate as Sarah Hayden’s. As an educator, parenting coach and proud neurodivergent mum herself, Sarah brings both lived insight and practical advice to the big questions families often ask, starting with, should I tell my child they’re neurodivergent?

In this extract from her empowering book Parenting Different, Sarah tackles that very question with warmth, honesty and clarity, offering a perspective rooted in respect, identity and open communication. She also breaks down how to navigate the often-tricky conversations that follow a diagnosis, both with your child and with the wider world.

Whether you’re right at the start of your journey, waiting on a diagnosis, or navigating a new reality, this is one of those books you’ll want to read, re-read, and maybe even fold down the corner of the page to come back to later. Here’s Sarah’s no-nonsense, kind-hearted take on some of the most common (and often confusing) questions parents ask when raising neurodivergent kids.

Words by Sarah Hayden
Extract from Parenting Different p.52–56

Should I tell my child they are neurodivergent? If so, when?

Should you tell your child they are neurodivergent? Absolutely! Exactly at what age is up to you, but in my opinion the day you find out is when they find out. Many people are concerned a ‘label’ may make someone feel broken; however, most newly diagnosed adults have found the exact opposite to be true. Giving your child a name for their differences is their right and gives them a better understanding of themselves. It is highly likely your child already feels different to others, so in many cases they are hugely relieved to hear these differences have a name – and a community of kids who are similar. I believe these conversations can become a natural part of general discussions around how everyone is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. It is so important to normalise the fact that we all have things we are good at and enjoy, and all have things we struggle with and don’t like doing.

How do I tell other people my child has been diagnosed as neurodivergent?

While your child absolutely has a right to know they are neurodivergent, sharing their diagnosis with the rest of the world is a little different. I believe the best way to decide who needs to know is to think about this: if there is a situation in which someone will be working closely with your child in an ongoing capacity, and your child may require some accommodation, modification, support or understanding from them, then those people should know. Some examples of these people may include: teachers, babysitters, therapists or sports coaches.

If your child is at school, sharing the formal diagnosis with those teachers working directly with them is crucial in ensuring they get the support and understanding they need. The school cannot make appropriate and reasonable adjustments without the evidence of the diagnosis. If you have close family and friends who can be a positive support to both of you, then you may also choose to share this information.

“There is no shame in being neurodivergent, but they have a right to privacy too.”

Some people choose to send an email with factual information in it; for example, how the diagnosis may impact your child, and the behaviours your family and friends are likely to see and how best to respond. There may be situations in which you partially explain adjustments a child may need without fully disclosing a diagnosis. For example, a child may attend a three-day summer soccer camp, which is only a temporary relationship, so you may choose to simply give the coach enough information to support your child without disclosing the full diagnosis: ‘Piper may need reminding to take her jumper off when it gets hot, as she doesn’t always feel the heat in the way others do.’ Then there are people who do not need to know your child is neurodivergent. The lady serving you in the grocery store, your child’s peers in their class, and even some family and friends.

What if my child doesn’t receive a diagnosis when I think they are neurodivergent?

There is certainly the possibility your child is in fact not neurodivergent. There are other things that can be mistaken for it, including developmental, speech or hearing delays and even trauma. However, in my experience, if a parent is adamant their child is neurodivergent – and in this day and age, most parents are well informed and well educated about it, having done a lot of reading and research before seeking a diagnosis – then it is more likely they are than not.

If you strongly feel a therapist has misdiagnosed or missed a diagnosis, do not be afraid to explain to them why you think this is so and perhaps point out where in the diagnostic report they have incorrectly represented your child. Remember, you have likely been with your child 24/7 for many years, while the therapist may have spent a few hours with them, at most. If you feel they aren’t listening, or you cannot provide this feedback, you can always seek a second opinion. Take the report and your concerns to the new professionals with your own feedback, including concise points of what you believe they have missed.

You are the expert on your own child. You are also the best advocate for your child, and this may be the start of your journey of learning how to amplify their voice – so get used to it!