by Madhavi Nawana Parker, Positive Minds Australia Who, in a moment of sheer overwhelm, exhaustion, and procrastination hasn’t felt like turning to a bag of salty, crunchy crisps or a block of sweet, gorgeous chocolate? I know I sure have. Humans are pleasure seekers and pain avoiders. There is nothing more painful than uncomfortable emotions like sadness, grief, fear, anxiety, and anger. Uncomfortable emotions are exactly that, uncomfortable. Few things in moments of discomfort are more comforting than the warm embrace of a home cooked meal, a lovingly baked cheesecake, house made bread or sometimes, when time isn’t on your side (as is often the way in a family), a fast, salty, or sugary pre-prepared treat. Hunger is the first uncomfortable emotion we experience; it’s felt moments after we’re born. If we’re blessed with good enough parents or carers, our hunger is met with nourishment, love, warmth, and connection. Just like that, the uncomfortable feeling is gone and a warm association of connection through food and company is established. Social relationships are essential for healthy wellbeing. When our wellbeing is solid, we have a wider window of tolerance for uncomfortable emotions and are more likely to use healthy tools to manage our mood. As a social species that relies on each other to keep our heads above water, to learn and grow, the most important social relationships in our early years for survival are with our carers. This includes parents, grandparents, educators, and anyone else responsible for our welfare at the time. We now have access to the latest neuroscience and psychology research about how to improve emotional regulation in children through co regulation and connection. Developing these skills reduces the likelihood our children will turn to food as comfort when they are emotional. (I’m not talking about the occasional carb fix here; people will head in that direction occasionally. I’m referring to a habit of regular comfort eating, instead of using more constructive methods of regulation). Remember, this is a delicate process for adults and their children, (especially when neurodivergence is one of the moving parts in the puzzle). Be kind to yourself as you navigate this terrain. I promise it will be worth it. Here are some ideas to get you started and always remember to seek advice from a GP, dietician, or allied health professional for specific advice tailored to your family. Connection, compassion, and community. We chose these as our company values at Positive Minds Australia for a good reason. When a child experiences enough connection with their most precious people, are being raised in a genuine community and experience enough compassion as well as having opportunities to express compassion, their wellbeing flourishes. Nothing can nourish them more during emotional discomfort than these three C’s. Try finding as many ways as possible for your child to experience these, remembering the best C of all, is connection with you. When you see them reaching for a quick fix through food, offer your presence as much as possible. A hug, a hair tousle, words of affirming love and connection can sometimes be just what they need to stop the habit in its tracks. Never underestimate the power of play. Play is what babies and toddlers have enjoyed across the generations, around the world. Some prefer solitary play and others prefer playing with others. Play reduces stress, increases self-awareness and is a wonderful emotional regulation activity. So many young people are overscheduled with structured activities planned for their benefit and offered with good intentions, but this leaves insufficient time for free play and rest. Sometimes less is more. When you see your child feeling emotional or scrummaging through the pantry, see if it helps to connect playfully with them and lift the mood that way, giving them a distraction from eating and an opportunity for more meaningful emotional regulation. Movement wherever and however they can get it. Not all children are born athletes and not all children with huge amounts of energy have a desire to put it into sport or physical activity. Early childhood is a great time to try as many movement-based activities as possible to see what gathers their interest. What we need to remember is that movement is medicine. Movement is one of the most powerful ways to healthily shift a mood. Feeling capable. Do everything possible to find areas in your child’s life where they feel like they know what they’re doing. Better still, look for areas of capability and strength that also serve as a hobby. If your child is struggling with learning or friendships for example, having a hobby or area of high competency and confidence can help them feel less overwhelmed and emotionally dysregulated. This will improve their wellbeing and reduce their vulnerability for using less helpful methods to regulate their emotions. Role modelling. As I often say, they can’t be what they can’t see. If this is a tough one for you, remember your family needs you to be okay. You are worthy of help and support when you are struggling. Our children are watching us all the time. They might not listen to our advice or even use it, but they are always watching us to gather information on how to do this thing called life. Audit the pantry, fridge (and the secret stash if you have one)! Layer up on nutrition dense foods like veggies and fruit, nuts and whole grains, cheese and crackers and yoghurt. Try hard not to bring too many sugary and salty treats into the house so if your child is comfort eating, they will experience the benefits of healthy nutrition rather than a quick fix that will come back later as feeling sluggish and out of sorts. The less temptation there is, the less opportunities there are for comfort eating. Little people (and teenagers for that matter) need a lot of energy to keep up with all that physical, emotional, and psychological growth. Many children feel “hanger,” where their mood can
